What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
