return my video game
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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