i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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