remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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