Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
