You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
