You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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