and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize