My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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