ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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