well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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