I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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