he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
