seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
