Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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