I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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