I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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