he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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