Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
