Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
