Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
