That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
