Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
