cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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