He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
