Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
