meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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