Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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