...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
