Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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