Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
