capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she pinky promised me she was 18
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
