Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
