It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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