Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How does one acquire holy water?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
