May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
