This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
