i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize