You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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