Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
id be glad to
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
