1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
