I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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