I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
