Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
