____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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