sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
