based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
zippers are such a cool invention
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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