You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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