My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
