I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
