Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
