I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
