remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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