Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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