i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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