Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
