The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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