Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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