So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize