I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it hurts more in the daytime
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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