A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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