If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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