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Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
