I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
People in love make me want to vomit
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
