He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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