Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
