Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm too high and old for this...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
