Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
