I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
