I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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