you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
