I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
