This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
