I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize