but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
