just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
