I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Non-Jews are for practice
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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