you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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