what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
