Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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