Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize