I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
