Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize