Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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