Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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