Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
