mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize