so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
