the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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