she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
