I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
